Are you body positive if you hate your weight gain?
I haven’t been blogging much because I feel as if I don’t have much to say. Wait that’s a lie. I have a lot to say but I just didn’t write it in my blog because of selfish reasons. In hopes of making money, my blog became cookie cutter and it made me bored and I stopped writing. Compounded with a blended family, more demanding jobs, a husband, and well age-related lack of energy, my consistency is pretty much not where it should be.
But I am ready.
I think……
The other day I was in the shower where I get some of my best ideas and thought about the evolution of my blog. When I first started, nearly a decade ago, I was pumping out posts 3-4 times a week. I used it as a journal and loved every moment of it. (You can read the beginning here). Now- I am trying to deal with SEO and SEM and trying to be more than I am.
A new day begins today and I want to chat about something near and dear to my heart- being body positive and weight gain.
I haven’t always been a curvy girl. Ample thighs, yes. Curvy not really.
Since meeting my now husband, I have put on close to 45lbs and I don’t know what to do with it. I internally complain about it yet I still do NOTHING about it. Clothing purchases cause me a little grief because my favorite stores do not always have my new doubled size (from an 8 to a 16) and the plus size stores have my size but the proportions are so OFF.
I have big thighs, arms, and now waist but my boobs aren’t what they consider a size 16 woman to have lol. But this post is not about size issues with retailers but about the psychological turmoil and conundrum that I am in.
I’m body positive.
I’m also really hating my weight gain.
Can I be both?
After some thought, I realized that yes I can. For me, body positivity is an acceptance of the current state of your body. It is realizing that it may not be your ideal but its shape, look, feel is what is now and it is ok to live with it and not allow it to cause you any strife. Being body positive does not mean that you will not strive for health or strive to be closer to what you may safely want, it is just being fine with the current state of affairs.
Overall- I’m fine with it.
I have fully accepted that my size 6-8 is gone. I have accepted that my thighs love the heck out of each other and feel the need to kiss every step I take. Let’s also be honest, I haven’t even changed my way of dressing. I love crop tops and still wear them. I love wide leg pants and rock the heck out of them. I trust my ability to know what works for my unique body no matter its current state. To me, that is being body positive.
But- am I healthy?
Besides BMI, my biometric screenings read that I am. My blood pressure and sugar are fine and my cholesterol is normal. But I do not feel healthy. Not even a little bit. It hurts to bend at the waist to tie my shoes and walking up and down stairs make my knees scream in agony. And my ankles– my poor poor ankles are stressed out holding up all this weight.
Yet- I am not changing it. It may be complacency or it may be something worse– my confidence.
Even riddled with insecurities, I have always been decently confident with myself. 2014 was my year of really delving deep into therapy and learning myself. This journey catapulted me into this authentic confidence. Even at my heaviest, I still consider myself a bad ass mama jamma and my looks are only a little bit of it. My confidence radiates through every single cell of my body because I am happy. But this happiness has me f*cked up too.
I’m happy and I hate my weight gain. Like hate it. But I am still confident about it. I just don’t get it. Any of you feel that way?
One thing is certain though– happy or not-
This mama needs to make friends with a workout or two.
Why?
I recognize that the more the numbers increase on the scale the higher my risk of heart disease. I know from research that the wider my waist gets the stronger my chance of metabolic syndrome or diabetes etc. It is not about looks at this point or even confidence– its about LIFE. And I am hella happy with my life and really want to keep it.
So yes- I am stuck. I know what I need to do yet I do not do it.
This is where you all come in– what are ways you self motivate for health?
Please share with me as I clearly need all the help that I can.
p.s. get more details about this swimsuit here. Or just buy it here
THAT’S RIGHT…YOU’RE A BAD MAMMA-JAMMA!!!!!!
Great post and your brutal honesty is refreshing. The only tip I have to offer is start small whether that’s diet or gym. Small victories and celebrate your gains. Do it, even when your feeling blah. I just admire your confidence and love your body positivity. 😘
As someone who’s dad died from diabetes, it’s no joke. And a very real possibility of continued weight gain is Type 2 diabetes which can have debilitating effects on your health. You’re beautiful at any size and weight doesn’t necessarily correlate with health. I’m small and use to have high cholesterol until I changed my eating habits. But working out not only helps manage (notice I didn’t say lose) weight, it makes you feel good and can extend your life. Even walking counts. I’d encourage you to find something you love to be active and it won’t feel like exercise.
A very insightful and honest post. I used to be a size 14-16 at one point and at one of my checkups my doc told me I had hereditary cholesterol and needed to be mindful. I was also going through a lot of stress in my life and one day while at work I was having severe chest pains and decided to go to the ER. Long story short, I was not having a heart attack but because I had heard about my cholesterol I thought it was related. The docs found nothing wrong with me and it was most likely due to stress but the thought of me going to the ER wondering about my heart made me change up a few things in my life. That experience motivated me but the one thing I haven’t gotten around to doing is exercising consistently. Small changes can make a huge difference and sometimes I think ppl portray and celebrate this huge lifestyle change when it’s more like a sum of small changes rather than a one time overhaul. So there is always room for improving whatever we want to but it doesn’t have to happen overnight either. Recently I’ve been going through another stressful period and lost weight (not very happy about that) so I’m looking at different ways to really focus on my health and well being which has nothing to do with size like you indicated. Stay encouraged on your journey to health and your goals cus we all can see you’re bomb at any size!
Author
Hi Krystle- Thank you so much for sharing your story and testimony with me. I really apprecaite it. Focusing on health can be so hard but its a must. Please let me know if I can ever help!
Great post and I love this swimsuit on You. I sure get this. . . I’m also body positive and dislike my current size (I can’t say hate because I preach about this all the time on my blog) but I do have a serious dislike for my bellies. But, recently my Dr. put me on blast when my test results were not good and I have lost 11 lbs since. Do I think I will continue to lose? Nah. Mango season is coming and I Love, Love, love them. Enjoy every minute of everyday. . . .
Jen this post truly resonates with me to the core! As always thanks so much for being Authentic and Transparent.