Happiness

Happiness.

Ha.

We throw that word around like confetti. But how many of us experience it and do everything in our power to make sure that we are living in happiness.

Clearly from reading past posts, you all know that I used to live a very disingenuous life. I used to lie to others and most importantly myself. I used to fake the funk in the most outrageous ways because I never wanted to admit that I was unhappy. I had a roof over my head. I had friends. I had a job. I had money to travel. Heck I was alive and healthy so I felt like I was being ungrateful if I admitted I was not happy. But heck I wasn’t happy for a very long time.

I have been surrounded by couples my whole life. And well at the end of the day certain things rub off on you. There is a couple that really stands out to me. I guess I will name them Couple X.

Couple X is not in love. They love each other but they are not in love. They have never been in love but due to social mores, children, and cultural similarities, they have chosen to be lonely within the relationship. And to me, that is truly the saddest thing in the world. To be with someone and feel lonely is a fate worse than death. And I can speak on it because I have had several relationships that went that way. I died many times in relationships because while in them I sure as heck was not living. I was just checking things off my relationship to do list.

Couple X does the same thing. And I’m super close to them. They are the closest couple to me. I have been embroiled in their life like no one else. And frankly, for the longest time, it depressed me to see it. I am the biggest romantic. I’m cynical as all heck but beyond my tough exterior, I’m a marshmallow. I’m the Michelin man. Soft as Sh—-! So the soft side of me dies when I see two people abusing love. And yes a lack of love (true romantic love) in a relationship is abusing it in my opinion. I have seen Couple X fake the funk. I have watched them play their roles in public. I have watched them be lovey dovey for others and the minute they get home the smiles fade and their true emotions are plain to see. Couple X scares me. Scares me to death. Because the actions of Couple X have greatly affected their children. One of the biggest things I realized is that, children are so intuitive. They feel and see more than we know. As a child I picked up on things that the adults thought they were hiding. But one thing that doesn’t lie is body language.

I don’t want this to be a post about relationships because I am no expert. I don’t think any of us are. Even the trained professionals. Relationships are hard as heck. They are work. Every minute of the day. But work should not have you losing yourself. Work should have rewards. There should be balance with work. Most of these relationships I see nowadays, have no work. Why? Because complacency has taken over. People get comfortable or familiar and never stop to think about their own happiness.

This post is about happiness. I have gotten to the point in my life that my happiness comes before anything and anyone else. I spent 32 years of my life catering to others. Worried about everyone else. I literally thought to myself “it’s ok if I’m unhappy as long as they are ok”. That mentality nearly killed me. And hell I see it slowly killing the woman in Couple X. The man isn’t unhappy but being a man simple things keep him around— food on the table and a woman taking care of him.

I may be a broken record but I sincerely beg everyone to understand how being truly happy is the most important thing in life. It will radiate from your pores and trust me you will move up in life. You will have better success in all aspects, from your love life to your work life. I am living proof!!!!!

So yes, this is a bit of a random post but some events this evening prompted it. If this post allows someone to stop and think about their current life and really assess their happiness then it was well worth it. And I no longer do anything in my life that is not worth it.

So tell me…. Are yall happy out there? Truly happy. Are you being true to yourselves? Are you living or are you existing?

What is holding you back? If it’s fear, well then…….