While sitting here in my mom’s house in Florida, a feeling of uneasiness came over me. It is nearly 2018 and I have not seen enough progress in my life. More importantly there are some things about the way I carried myself in 2017 that I will be damned if I carry into 2018. That’s the uneasiness.
2017 was full of Jennifer caused fraudulent moments and I’m just not here for it. First- get ideas of major or even minor crimes out of your head. This Haitian hasn’t done anything jail worthy lol.
But I have committed some “social” crimes.
I was petty.
Alot.
Rarely outwardly but definitely in my thoughts. And there was never any need for it.
I gossiped too much and I took my own insecurities into interactions or assumptions with others. Especially fellow bloggers and I will NOT continue on this path.
My circle is super small. Mainly because I do not trust easily and because I was the girl who needed a huge group and a million best friends when I was younger. It empowered me to have a huge clique. It invigorated me to have a crew.
So after my 2 tough years of intense therapy and even more intense path of self reflection, I made my circle very small. I kept to myself and only spoke to a few. I withdrew. Not in an unhealthy or reclusive way but in a protective way. And it was great.
Until it wasn’t.
I see now how that hindered me. I see that it sheltered me and had me conjuring incorrect thoughts and ideas about others.
The green headed bandit also kidnapped me many times. I was jealous like a mofo! Those feelings had me wanting to loathe people that I had no business not liking. It had me acting in ways that just were not me. It had me feeling like I was not good enough because close friends were spending more time with others rather than me. It had me mentally drained.
And who the heck wants that!
In 2018 I am going to exhibit all the behaviors and traits that I speak of in my instagram captions. I want to fully be that strong, confident, genuine and authentic lady that I speak of.
My gossiping even with my tight knit crew will be nonexistent. My feelings of jealousy will evaporate even when watching certain people do things that I think are fake. I will not roll my eyes or screenshot captions that are annoying to share with my circle. I will just look at the good in everyone and realize that we are all trying to WIN out here. Regardless of my feelings towards it. We all win in our own ways and who am I to judge!
I will not be a hater.
I will start 2018 with a brand new heart and brand new eyes.
I will reconnect with good friends that I have pushed away from.
I will allow everyone a chance no matter what may have occurred in the past.
I will nurture my heart, mind, and soul.
I will live by community over competition inwardly and outwardly.
I will be free of ill feelings and negative thoughts.
I will be the Jennifer that God has wanted and shown me signs to be.
I know that I am not alone in these feelings or actions and I would never ask anyone to share their faults and flaws like this but I will ask this…..
What are you bringing into 2018 that will elevate you and nurture your mind, body and soul?
Sp proud of you JenBear! We’ve had this conversation before and like you, I’ve been reeling back on the gossip and things too.
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Girl I have to. I think it was eating me and every time I did it, i felt horrible. It’s just too much.
This is so good and so real ! I think we all have been there with envy and gossiping, especially as bloggers who grind BUT I totally agree with you on ending it all. Being happy and positive feels much better than sniping. Kudos to you for transparency.
Author
Thank you so much! I appreciate you. Yeah the sniping has to stop. It just eats us alive.
Great and honest post. I’m here for quality over quantity relationships.
I am also stepping to my IAMness more this year. This means totally taking charge of who I was created to be.
I restarted therapy this year and it’s a breath of fresh air. I will continue my spiritual practices. I will be more vulnerable and open to new romantic relationships (gives myself a fist pump) ha ha
I look forward to making my finance accounts even fatter and practice mindful shopping.
I’ll be watching ya Jen. (great read is the 4 agreements)
If you are ever in New York in the summer we must do lunch or something.
Much love.
Happy Holidays.
@theauthenticjourney aka Nicole Annmarie
Author
I would love to do lunch. That’s def on the list of things to do for 2018. I’m sending you all sorts of positive vibes and happy thoughts. You got this!!!
This post is so good!!! I agree with many things on this list for myself!!! 2018 will be an amazing year! Looking forward to all of the postitive vibes!!! **hugs**
Author
Thanks Dayna!!!! Yes we about to be real positive up in here lol
I plan to be more invested in actually making + maintaining friendships in the coming year! I’ve e-met a few great people and I would really like to form connections that have NOTHING to do with social media, stats, collaborations, or money.
I’m gonna need a circle of strong ones to get me through this haircut and grow out, lol!!!
Author
Hahahah you and this haircut. I had to laugh. You are beautiful regardless but trust I know what you mean cause I have been there.
What a transparent and thought provoking post. It can’t be east being honest about your flaws but this will help many. I have to agree with the gossiping especially. Even listening to it and inviting it is draining because those minutes and hours can be used building, loving and being productive. Can’t wait to hear about the changes you found after ridding yourself of all the above mentioned.
Author
thank you Vana! You are so incredibly right!
Lawd woman!!! This moved me to tears! I felt every piece of this genuine expression of thought and self reflection! I saw mysef as I was seeing you. It’s soooo true. No need to take old ways into a new year! Let’s all embrace the mantra “Do better and be better!” A musical artist I love, Lisa McClendon, stated “Im going to allow human-beings to be humans…being.” so simple yet so profound. Like you said, we all can win so let’s focus on our own path to greatness instead of tearing down someone else’s. I see you shining! Keep pushing yourself to be your greatest self. Your gifts will make room for you so never fret! As you keep climbing know you have another cheerleader on the sidelines in me 🙂
Girl. Girl. Girl. I am totally in awe of your transparency. I am on the same authentic journey. It is truly refreshing to see I am not alone. I needed to read this… I thank you for be authentic, truthful and humble. You are truly growing into a powerhouse. Go girl
Just as authentic as when I first found your blog years ago. I understand that jealous thing though. Going through a divorce while pregnant had me hating on every happy couple that graced my timeline. But that needs to come to an end. What happiness others incur has nothing to do with mine. And I also need to realize that a man can’t make my life complete or more happy. Ugh. There are some other things I need to leave in 2017 but my post partum brain won’t let me be great.