My Hyperemesis Gravidarum Survival Story

My Pregnancy Story

trigger warning for those sensitive to hearing about sickness

It was around mid-May when I looked at my period tracker app, Eve, and realized that “hmmmm my period was late”. I didn’t think much of it and just figured it would come soon. A week went by and I decided to use the pregnancy test strips that my cousin had sent me and each and every single one had two strips IMMEDIATELY after dipping in the urine.

Sitting in our downstairs bathroom, I just sat in shock. Literally frozen. And then I cried. Hard. By myself. For what seemed like an hour.

This reaction wasn’t something I expected but it was reality. I was worried about not being able to have children but now that I was pregnant, I felt a host of emotions that were on the opposite spectrum of elation. Like do I really want this? How will my life be affected? Am I strong enough for labor and delivery?

But I powered through and told a few people after my 6-week confirmation at my gynecologist’s office. I still wasn’t all smiles and cheers about it. But I expected that this was my new journey and I was happy to have a product of Jermaine and my love.

Now I look back and feel as if this was some 6th sense telling me that all my fears were going to come to a harsh yet different reality.

The symptoms

I distinctly remember being on an Instagram video call with Janell of The Manifesting Beauty and telling her how I felt fine with no nausea or even fatigue. She remarked how lucky I was and I smiled from ear to ear! This was about 6.5 weeks pregnant. No joke, the VERY next day, nausea started setting in. At first, I said, “oh ok- morning sickness. I have heard about this.” No big deal at all and promptly proceeded to text message Jermaine to add ginger and crackers to our grocery list.

Then at about 8 weeks my “morning sickness” felt like all day and night long severe food poisoning without the vomiting. I was weak, nauseous, not able to eat like I used to, unable to walk around and having major aversions to all my regular favorites. For instance, I only liked room temperature drinks and despised ice. Now everything had to be the iciest of cold or my body would not tolerate.

The diagnosis

Because of some previous cervical surgeries, my OBGYN, alerted me that I would be coming in every 2 weeks for sonograms to check my cervix. This was around 9 weeks and nausea, weakness, and inability to eat were still going strong. I was missing out on events and having a hard time sitting at my desk at work. I would have to sneak away to quiet rooms just to lie on the floor and wish the world to stop spinning. The lies to hide the pregnancy and how sick I felt started piling up with my co-workers and I just felt miserable from all sides. It got to the point where Jermaine was driving me 2-3 days a week to work because the metro just was not an ally. I was still faking it on the ‘gram even though my posts were few and very far between and I was declining invitations because of fatigue and nausea.

Then week 11. The oh-so dreaded week 11. My body shudders at that thought. Because nausea, weakness, dizziness, and lack of appetite were not enough, the vomiting commenced. It was gradual at first. Maybe only twice a day. Then it increased to 6-7 times a day. I was at work eyeing the exits in every meeting and mentally timing the distance between that room and the closest bathroom because when it came, it CAME.

Week 12 was the straw that broke the camel’s back. That was the day I got really sick on the metro and offloaded a train.

Talk about EMBARASSMENT!

Talk about Hyperemesis!!

Hyperemesis Treatment

I called my nurse and begged for treatment or something. I had now been pushing through for over a month and had no more will power to maintain on my own. I was introduced to Zofran.

Zofran is an antiemetic that is often given to cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy treatments to halt the vomiting that is a common symptom. Many don’t know but I have difficulty swallowing pills and RARELY take any type of chemical-pharmaceutical medicine. But I was feeling so terrible that I was popping them like it was nothing. This was the beginning of my survival mode.

After about 2 weeks on the Zofran pills, my vomiting and nausea seemed to get worse so my health care provider put me on a Zofran pump and also a home IV. My veins were so collapsed that the first IV stopped working in 12 hours but thankfully I had the pump. I felt great for about 2 days but then it all took a very dark and ugly turn. I was vomiting 10 times a day and the ketones in my urine were the highest they could be. I also almost choked because vomit was stuck in my throat and I had no bodily fluids left to help it out. That was my sincere scariest moment.

I am stubborn and try to power through everything so I refused to go to the ER. But a few days later during my daily call with my Optum Nurse, she asked me my log (I had to log how many times I threw up, how many glasses of water and what I ate, my ketones etc) and from the number I was reporting she said I HAD to go to ER.

So off I went.

That experience was pretty terrible only because of the hospital we went to here in Maryland and the fact that I just was not in the mood to be there. If you are reading this and thinking “well she is not thinking like a mom needing to protect her unborn” then you are correct. I truly felt more negative feelings towards my unborn child than love. Even thoughts of terminating the pregnancy crossed my head time and time again. It was survival for me and not for my baby. I could NOT imagine another day of feeling so weak and sick let alone another possible 24 weeks (6 months!)

I even mentioned it to my mom who was NOT receptive at all. While I now understand it, at the time, I was furious. My initial thoughts were “do you not see I am slowly dying! I am your daughter, not this unborn child”.

My ER visit lasted nearly 9 hours and I received 4 bags of hydration. I was so dehydrated that my lips were peeling and no amount of chapstick would help. I was so dehydrated that my urine was reddish-orange and pretty thick.

Besides the fluids, I also received another antiemetic named Reglan in my IV. So not only did I have my Zofran pump injecting me through the fat in my stomach but I now had nausea medicine in my IV.

Please remember from earlier, I do not like to take medicine. Granted I am allergic to most but I usually power through most pain.

I continued for another month of home IVs and just being on weekend bed rest until week 16.5 when I started to feel better. While I still had occasional bouts of nausea throughout the day, I was not vomiting more than once every 2 days and I was certain it was all over.

Ha.

Around week 18, it all came back and it worsened. My vomiting was more aggressive and the pregnancy symptoms that most women endure had now kicked in. So on top of my body rejecting food and drink, I now experienced round ligament pain from my uterus stretching, intense dizziness, seeing floaters in my eyesight, very very sore breasts, excessive saliva, chronic nasal congestion, and swollen feet and ankles.

During this time I was still going to work daily– weak, sad, nauseous and tired. Why? Because my sick time and vacation time was depleting and the fact that I will not have ANY paid maternity leave without sick or vacation time was my motivation to keep going in. The fact that I have been at my job less than 12 months means that I am not protected under FMLA. So for sickness and health, I have to make it in. But yes, the stress of the 1-hour metro train commute and going in daily is probably doing me more harm. But what is a girl to do?

But more on the work situation and the stress of being a 9-5er in America and pregnant in another blog post!

I am now at week 23 as I write this and only able to hold down maybe one meal a day. Eating and enjoying a meal has become a faint memory. I worry that I will forever have PTSD from nausea and vomiting. My vomiting is so incredibly aggressive that I’m constantly washing my face after because everything pops back up. Yeah it’s gross. My stress levels are oh-so high every single time I have to put something in my body, even water. Because there is no pattern. My body will have me vomiting from just breathing too hard. And sh-t, don’t let me sneeze too hard!

My teeth are starting to rot a little from all the stomach acid coming into contact with my teeth. Yeah this is not morning sickness. And yes I have every right to get angry when someone diminishes it by saying so.

I have now thrown up a little under 120 times in 5.5 months and now the vomiting does not give me much warning so while at work I find the closest conference room’s trash can. I have had co-workers and even my employee rub my back while my body aggressively hurls any and everything inside of it. That is no way to be in a professional work environment. But it is when you are suffering from Hyperemesis.

Hyperemesis or HG for short is truly the hardest experience of my life and I only have a moderate case. I joined 2 support groups and have now bonded with women from all over the world. This is a condition that you cannot understand unless you experience it. It is hard AF but what it is NOT is morning sickness or our imagination or all in our heads or a regular pregnancy.

Forget brunches with your girls or going out to movies or heck enjoying anything in the summer. It is you, your couch or bed, and the toilet. It is isolating.

update: As of Tuesday, October 1, 2019 at 4:19pm the tally is at 121 because as I was typing this, the feeling came over me and I SPRINTED to the nearest restroom. Now I have broken blood vessels in my eye from the vomiting lol. Being at the office and running to restroom is the worst! And no, I refuse to make others uncomfortable listening to me aggressively vomit at my desk.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Resources

The minute I was diagnosed with hyperemesis, I was quick to research this condition and find resources. The first that I stumbled on was the HER Foundation.

This was the most comprehensive site for not only sufferers but also family members and friends. I started sending it out to those close to me who would unknowingly say “oh it will go away in your second trimester or girl this is just pregnancy”. I was tired of “advocating” for myself and allowed the site to do it for me.

Another helpful resource is Facebook Groups. I joined two Hyperemesis support groups on that and have felt less alone with my group of women on the same journey as me. We complain- ALOT but there is NO judgment and it never gets old. Why? Because there really is limited positive thinking when your body is failing you at the time you need it to be its strongest. We try but reality settles and venting, ranting, and complaining is the only solace you have.

Before I was diagnosed, I was in a group for women delivering in January and who also were first-time mothers. Now, I barely use it because all these women are having “typical” pregnancies and the chatter on there seems so incredibly superficial and basic to me. It is not their fault and they are just excited and happy to shop, talk nurseries and announcements and baby showers and all I want to do is scream that I barely have a bump, constantly sick and haven’t held down food in several days.

But hey, that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Other resources

RareDiseases. Org

American Pregnancy

Hyperemesis Survival

We call ourselves hyperemesis survivors because to get through this and have a baby takes a lot of perseverance, will-power, patience, and a strong support system.

Too often the sickness takes its toll and terminating the pregnancy is one of the only options a woman may feel she has. It is depressing to think you may be severely ill for 2-8 months. It is difficult to try and go to work or raise other children or even just have a “normal” day to day while being severely sick. It is scary to see the hospital bills tally up and insurance not covering certain treatments. I don’t judge or condemn anyone who makes this choice because there have been TOO many times the thought has crossed my mind. Even knowing this may be my ONLY chance at a biological child of my own. I contemplated it. I wanted to be free from the Hyperemesis Prison.

We call ourselves survivors because our body literally rejects its basic needs and somehow almost always results in a very healthy baby. My pre-pregnancy weight was 220 and I am currently at 211 and the baby is 1.5 lbs.

We are survivors because we often do everything it takes to not look the way we feel to make everyone else around us far more comfortable.

We call ourselves survivors because of the major complications that always arise in our pregnancies because of hyperemesis.

We are survivors. Plain and simple.

How to help someone with Hyperemesis

1. Do not for the love of God offer ginger or crackers
2. Do not remark on how much they throw up
3. Offer to come and help with chores
4. If you are an employer OFFER the option to work from home if applicable
5. Be patient
6. Listen to the complaints
7. Do not remind them “oh this is just pregnancy”. Because it does not happen to everyone
8. Do not get upset if they change plans at the last minute. This illness is hour by hour basis.
9. Do not comment about their bump size
10. Offer to bring food for others in the family who may be feeling neglected
11. Offer to stay with someone who has hyperemesis so significant other may have a break
12. Do not blame them for not eating
13. Do not tell them to just “graze” throughout the day
14. Healthcare providers: do not make them feel bad for still being sick past 15 weeks and DO NOT tell them “in my 26 years of practicing, no one has been sick this long” Yes that was you Dr. C.
15. You show up. You help. You keep your opinions to yourself.