Overcoming insecurities as a content creator

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Here was my chance to showcase my style on a broader scale without living in New York or LA. My excitement quickly wore off as the realization hit that only a certain look or those who were in a certain social circle were being tapped for these opportunities. Not being one to stay silent, I would write blog posts or proactively reach out myself to ensure a diverse group of bloggers were being featured. But honestly, it did nothing to change the landscape and many of us continued to feel excluded.

I still feel excluded here in DC but I have learned to be ok with it.

But then…

An event happening here this week threw me right back into not feeling ok and it solidified that I still have some work to do with myself and my insecurities.

As many times I have told others that the only opinion that matters is your own or that outside noise should never derail you from your goals, here I am feeling bad about not being invited to something. Insecurities are so loud and the need and want to belong is strong AF!

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It’s important for me to write this because I know I am not alone in these feelings. No matter how many community members we get on social media platforms, we want more and when we don’t have them we fall down the unnecessary hole of comparison and the dreaded “why not me”. Today I was the Queen of Why not me? Not getting invited to this ONE event, had me dissecting my content with a critical eye. Content that I love and work hard on was all of a sudden “not good enough” because I allowed outside noise to infiltrate. Because I had to submit my instagram as a qualifier and it was deemed not good enough for an invitation. Instead of thinking that maybe they have their own look in mind for their event or maybe they did not see my application, I immediately attacked myself and that’s not ok!

I wish I could sit here and say just drown out the noise and it will be fine but it is never that simple.

After wallowing for a minute or 60, I realized that I am still hurt over the first few years of blogging. The pain of watching others get opportunities that I selfishly believed I should receive. The annoyance and shame that came from trying to get a seat at the table. But it’s not only from blogging— this need to belong is rooted deeply in my upbringing too. I’ll get more into that in another blog post but growing up Haitian comes with certain traumas.

But back to this—

Why oh why did I want a seat the table so much?

I am not owed anything. I don’t deserve anything. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Every opportunity does not have Jen Jean-Pierre on it.

So I had to flip the switch. I had to practice my beloved CBT and retrain my brain. As cliché as these sayings are, they are true. Everything happens for a reason and what is for you is for you. I stopped what I was doing and brought up my 2021 Goals list and was astonished to see how many I had accomplished. Brands I never believed I would work with, I did. Even better, my content was so good that they repurposed it not only on their channels but as ads. I increased my blog income by 730%! I mean, I should be ecstatic on that alone!

After being told numerous times, my numbers were not high enough by others, I signed with an agency and have a talent manager, shout out to Alex and of course Katie for the introductions. Katie and I have never met but she has cheered me on and actively supported me from the minute we became IG friends. I hold her dear!

I am thriving and I am growing and I was sad and mad over ONE invite. Like nahhhhhh, we aren’t doing this sis!

In my weird little mind, I equated this one event with “making it”. But what I momentarily forgot is that I have already made it. Every single day I wake up and I go after my dreams and crush my goals. I spend time with my daughter and husband. I give my family attention. I work a demanding 9-5 and still crank out quality content on a consistent basis. What’s even better, I still manage to get 7-9 hours of sleep also.

So I am making it and have made it.

I’m an accomplishment and no external force has given it to me. I crush my goals because everything I need to succeed is right inside of me. I am a success because as much as I wanted and tried to belong, I never lost sight of the importance of the community I have grown. I create for myself AND for all of you who have joined my fashion world via the various social media channels that I am on.

I apologize to all of you for being sad and mad over one thing and thinking that I was less than. Every single day you all pour into me, support me, and root for me and I will no longer diminish myself and my achievements because I did not get a seat at a certain table.

Just like the amazing Gabi Fresh, designer of this suit I am currently wearing in these photos, I will continue to pave the way for folks like me who have felt like they did not belong or were excluded. I will become laser focused to create for us and help give a voice to those who aren’t confident enough to use it.

While I am not ready to ignore the noise completely, I can make sure to consistently crank up the volume on celebrating my achievements whether big or small cause I’m doing the damn thing as you are!

Update as of 6pm on Monday night : my friend emailed and asked if I could accompany her. No, she didn’t know I felt this way. Just her being super nice and supportive.

Final update: I’m back and forth on now attending based on a small exchange via Instagram with the event holders. But I want to see my friend lol.

Would y’all go? Let me know below.