Crop jacket and pattern fixing?
Our internet was out in our neighborhood so I took it as an opportunity to read a book that I’ve owned for a long time but have not read- We should all be millionaires by Rachel Rogers Esq.
I’m only 50 pages in and feel like I was read for FILTH! I thought this book was a financial one and although it is, it’s from a psychology perspective (a fave!), and reading it compelled me to write this blog post.
There is a persona in the book whose name is Broke Boo. I thought Broke Boo was awesome when I first read that passage. She was busy and active and helped others. I kept reading and realized, well damn… these are all the reasons she is lack of a better exclamation- fucking up!
But even worse was the realization that… I am broke boo. Like all the way. Even though I am blessed to be able to make money, I either save it or treat others, and let’s be frank, I treat others a little too much. I’m not saying that I haven’t gotten myself some great things but overall, I feel guilty spending on myself yet basically giving it away to others. But what’s worse than the money I “give away” is my time and energy that I frivolously give away and left drained. I do this a little more than is comfortable and yet do not know how to stop it.
I am tired.
My revelation
My husband has not worked in about 7 months because we made the decision to have him quit his job. Well, it was mostly me. I hated seeing him so exhausted from the grueling laborious aspects of his job and needed help around the house with Teagan while I worked. For those who would comment well what about daycare for Teagan…. at the time we were on all the waitlists for daycare. Thankfully she is at one now and she enjoys it but I really wish she could be in her grade level, but that is a story for another blog post.
Back to the hubby….
Even with J at home, I’m still drained and tired. I find myself still taking care of Teagan not because he doesn’t try but because she is used to me as the caregiver. First 1.5 years of her life I pretty much did 80 percent of things for her so it’s what she knows and sees. And from what I have heard from my veteran moms– kids just instinctually go to Mommy anyway. Looking back there are many ways, I could combat this but I haven’t because I am apparently a glutton for punishment. J always tells me to go work outside of the house or to get away. This makes ALL the sense but I am such a homebody and well, I like being around my family. Yes, the same family, I’m slightly complaining about. Le sigh.
I must protect myself. From, well myself.
I know I MUST start choosing my self-care. But I am currently conditioned to take care of everyone else while leaving nothing for myself. And yes, I know it’s wrong. Maybe I am an addict!
But real talk…
Pattern Fixing
Never did I think a book like this would open up my eyes to all the problems I am causing myself. It all stems from my lack of thinking and looking out for myself. I mean, let’s take my blog work.
I have an amazing right-hand woman for this side business and yet I still do a lot of the work myself. It’s a mix of being a control freak and also just not being good at delegating. I’m also lacking in discipline. Starting to fully see myself and how I do not know how to let go. It comes from wanting to belong and be needed.
Like everything in life, change takes practice. It is not easy but what in life is truly easy? In the same way, I practice sports or learn my various hobbies, this requires consistent practice until it becomes natural. I tend to go gung-ho in tackling new projects and then burn out quickly, so for this, I want to take it slow and steady. Marathon and not a sprint.
I know I just unloaded a lot but I miss using my blog posts as a sort of journal. It is how I started and I always go back to it. I have helped COUNTLESS individuals by sharing my real feelings and I am thankful for that. So let’s end on a positive note….
How wide will you open your arms this week to receive help, blessings, and love? I am working this week on keeping myself open to receiving and keeping them alot more shut to giving. It is my week to be a princess and I want the rest of you to do the EXACT same!
Turn on your princess power yall. Take, take, take without the guilt 🙂
Print mixing, pattern fixing and a crop jacket
I did not think of this outfit on my own. My closet actually helped me. I wanted to wear this cropped animal print top. Then as I was walking out of my closet, I saw this bathing suit top and thought… hmmmmm. I put them together and liked the look and styled the rest of the outfit from there. You can shop the whole look here:
Top: Amazon Drop (no longer available)
Swimsuit top (second layer): Target Style
Jeans: Target Style
Purse: vegan leather from Have Mersi