Writing Without Permission: Friendship Loss, Healing, and Starting Over
Emotionally and mentally, this was not the year for me.
It was the year of realizing who was actually holding me and who just liked standing near me when things felt light.
It was the 2nd year of unanswered texts, quiet exits, friendships that faded without explanation, and me having to sit with the discomfort of never getting closure.
That part has been hard.
I think people assume that when you’re older, when you’re married, when you’re “secure,” that friendship losses don’t hit the same. That you just shrug and move on. But I felt them. Deeply. I still feel them. Some days I’m completely fine and other days I replay moments wondering when things shifted, or if they ever were what I thought they were to begin with.
And maybe that’s part of this season.
Not everything gets wrapped up neatly.
Not everyone circles back.
Not every story gives you the courtesy of an ending. But man they really should.
I’m learning to sit with that instead of trying to fix it or explain it away.
The algorithm has been loud lately. Maybe too loud. It keeps feeding me posts about cycles, rebirths, endings, and Pisces apparently being dragged through the mud for three straight years. And while I don’t know how much stock I put into this, I do know this: something in me is shifting. Something in me feels done with surviving and ready to expand again.
Not in a flashy way.
Not in a “watch me win” way.
But in a quieter, more grounded way.
I want my joy back without having to justify it.
I want to create without asking permission.
I want to write without wondering how it will land or who might feel exposed or uncomfortable or annoyed. Cause lord, I had a youtube video about MY feelings and MY experiences get folks in their feelings (their guilt) and come at me. But anyway…
I miss when this blog was just a place to put my thoughts down and breathe. When I didn’t overthink every sentence or worry about being too much, too emotional, too honest. Somewhere along the way, I let other people’s comfort dictate my expression. And that never really sits well with me long-term. Because it makes me feel fake. and one thing I am not—- is that!
So this is me choosing differently.
I don’t know exactly what this blog is becoming again. I don’t know if every post will have a point or a takeaway or a lesson. Some might just be me thinking out loud. Some might be joy. Some might be grief. Some might be hope mixed with confusion. And that has to be enough.
Because I’m tired of shrinking my voice to make things easier for other people to digest.
If 2026 is the year I recoup and grow, then it starts here. With honesty. With softness. With me allowing myself to show up fully even when things aren’t resolved yet.
I’m hopeful.
I’m still healing.
I’m still questioning things.
And I’m letting all of that coexist.
If you’re still here reading this, thank you. Truly.
I don’t have a conclusion.
I just have a willingness to keep going and to do it my way this time.
Please leave a comment below to cheer me on cause I def need it 🩷🩷
My past jentrospective posts:
